Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
