on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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