so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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