If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
