I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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