is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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