if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have demons in me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
