I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
