3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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