he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
