ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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