he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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