I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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