he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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