I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
