you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
