We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
