and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
