my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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