ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
