a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
