imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
