just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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