Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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