never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
