I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
