the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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