would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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