i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
