please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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