If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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