My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
