after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
