you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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