I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
