I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
