I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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