And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
