you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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