the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
