He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
