Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
