I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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