is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
