i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
