You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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