we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
