And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and she was petting her beer can
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
