You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
