I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nicole vs. Life
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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