im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
