I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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