One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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