You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
