he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
