Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
