You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
