I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
