Sry I called you an 8
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
